Say My Truth

It has been SO long since I have had the time and really the ‘WANT’ to just sit and blog.  My blog, started so long ago, has been a way for me to get out emotions, thoughts, feelings and opinions.   It was a way to say the things that I thought, felt or wanted to say but didn’t or couldn’t, verbally, because of the human need to be polite, because it would hurt someone, because of a personal relationship or because of my employment.

For quite sometime, I have felt like I have been looking for something missing in my life.  In the last year or so since I relocated to South Florida to start a new chapter in my life, I thought I was taking the steps to focus on what was missing.   I have been looking for what it is in many different forms; through relationships, employment, friendships, residence locations and sex.

But what I have discovered is really missing in my life is the approval and permission within myself to just be honest and speak my truth.  Be bluntly honest and speak my truth in relationships.  Be bluntly honest and speak my truth in jobs.  Be bluntly honest and speak my truth in friendships.  Be bluntly honest and speak my truth in sexually situations.

And so now I am challenging myself to be bluntly honest in all areas; regards of what others will think or feel.  Of course with good intentions in mind; not out to hurt anyone or cause issues/ drama.

truth

And with that I am restarting my commitment and desire to blog again.. to allow my blog to help me SAY MY TRUTH.

My truth on this day, November 30th, is that it has been a year since I relocated to South Florida and in some ways, I have changed my life for the better/ different.  But in reality, I have a long way to go.  In some (or most areas of my life if I am being bluntly honest), I have gotten way off track.

I was so ready to leave my life in Idaho when we left.  I had a great 10 years there and had accomphlished as much as I could but I wanted to experience this new chapter with my daughter as a college student and for myself as a single, empty-nested, non-foster mom.

In reality, I had no idea how much I would be effected by all of this. Moving from everything and everyone that I have known for 10 years has been hard and drastic.  Finding work where I do not have connections to take care of this new, expensive cost of living has been humbling and rough.  Establishing good friendships has been an exhausting and eye opening experience.  And figuring out what and how I want to date is odd and and a bit difficult.

In short, to ‘Say My Truth,’ I am realzing that I am still figuring out this new life in South Florida, appreciating all the experiences, people and situations that come my way and learning from my mistakes

Please share your thoughts and opinions – would love to hear it.

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Thankful Month: Day 4 & 5

Thankfulness Day Four:

I am thankful for transportation.  Throughout my life, I have relied on several different modes of transportation.  As a young girl, nothing was better than walking barefoot in the sunshine.  Born and raised a Florida girl, I was never at a lost for sunshine!  You can’t deny how amazing the Florida sun and how the warm sand feels under your toes!  My love of walking grew more and more during the summers that I spend in the mountains of NC.  The quiet calm of the mountains mixed with the cool temperatures and the opportunity to be at peace with yourself or love ones that escape with you.  Although I am not an outdoors type of girl, nothing made me happier than hiking with my Grandfather in the mountains of Hendersonville.  Like any typically teenager, when I hit 15, I was anxiously looking forward to get my driver’s license.  The love of walking was quickly replaced with the joy of getting behind the wheel!  The power of driving, the love of the alone time that it offered and the joy of the ability of just go; whenever and where ever is what attracted me to driving.  Of course, if you know me, you know I don’t have a great history with driving.  I will let you in on the secret – it took me several tries (like 4-5 times) to get my driver’s license – even after taking driver’s ed and having a private driving instructor.  In my mid-twenties, I relocated to Philadelphia, where my love of driving was quickly replaced with the thrill of city mass transportation – bus, subway and even the occasional cab ride.  It certainly was a tough life, at times, getting on buses with my sweet baby girl (who was 2 at the time I relocated there) but not having to worry about car insurance payments, getting gas and the other stresses that came with owning a car was a great blessing at the time.  I found that we spend less money when we couldn’t just jump in a car and go somewhere and we were much fitter since we were back to walking places. And now in my life, I am thrilled to have the lifestyle where I am back to exploring different modes of transportation.  I am blessed to have a car back in my life now and use it as my main transportation.  Having many different cars in my life; a Volvo growing up to a Toyota SUV to a Honda to my dream car – a sexy white mustang, I am happy to have my new love Rusty.  Not much of a car, Rusty is an old soul (like me) that was loved by his original owners for many years and has joined me in this new chapter of my life.  He is joined by Marcus – my sleek but worn in bicycle.  This new chapter of life, in Florida, affords me the ability to be active and participate in activities in which both Rusty and Marcus are used regularly and therefore I am thankful for transportation – however it comes into my life.

bike-vs-car

Thankfulness Day Five:

I am thankful for crap, reality tv.  I will admit it, I am a fan of crap reality tv – the stupider the better for me.  Life can be difficult, stressful and very up and down and when the realities of life gets to be overwhelming, crap reality tv is a silly outlet.  During stressful times, others choice to gamble, drink, run or other ways to escape but for me, I am thankful for crap, reality tv!  Maybe it is the something that keeps me feeling young. Certainly I know that it is a time sucker – I have found at times that I sit down to watch a reality tv show and next thing I know, hours have gone by.  But the concept of watching silly reality tv shows at times has lighten tense situations and helped to introduction laughter when much needed.  So for me, as silly or bad as others might think it is, I am thankful for crap reality tv.

reality-tv-stats

Thankful Month: Day 3

Thankfulness Day Three:

I am thankful for clean clothes (and the great machines that make them clean and dry). 

fancy-laundry

Quite simply, there is no better household job than folding and putting away clean clothes.

The smell of clean clothes, the feel of soft, clean cloths and the simple idea that a pile of dirty, smelling items can be mixed with water, soap and friction and be clean and ready for wear is amazing.  I like the feeling of accomplishment that happens with the act of laundry.  And I am thankful that I am fortunate enough to have clean clothes – no matter how they get clean.

Thankful Month: Day 2

I am thankful for my job (and the ability to always land a great job).  Let’s be honest, nobody likes to search for a job.  I think that being unemployment is about as painful as going to the dentist (sorry to all my dentist friends) or as awkward as dating.

job-loveSimilarly, to dating, the process of looking for a job can make you feel extremely vulnerable.  Both processes are comparable and complex.  Repeatedly, you search on websites or apps for different jobs (or for a date).  You pick the jobs that you feel would fit you best or that seem the most engaging (simarly to looking for a mate on Bumble or Tinder).  NOTE:  Someone should develop an app for the job search, just like Tinder.  You send the possible job opportunity all of your information. Then the waiting game begins; you wait for them to pick you for an interview.  If they don’t pick you, then you are sad or angry for a few days and start the process again.  And if they pick you, then you go interview (or go on your first date).  You ask questions, they ask questions, you check them out, they check you out… and then, you make a decision that can affect all aspects of your life.  Yes, for the job (or date) or no and then start the process all over again.

Both processes; job search and dating are ones that I have been through many times over in my lifetime.  My search for a job and for a mate started around the same time – as an early pre-teen.  And at this point in my life, I am proud to say that I have been very successful in the job hunt process (not so much in the dating hunt process).  Whether it is a talent or just a learned skill, I have the great ability to land outstanding jobs.  I have had the great pleasure of holding a vast range of positions; from a nanny (as a teen), camp counselor, probation officer, education coordinator, event planner, and restaurant manager.

And now, as I share this, I am thankful for my current job in sales and marketing.  I work for an outstanding company, with amazing co-workers, at a great office location with terrific perks and a weekly paycheck (which is the all-time best!)!

November: Thankful Month

A few years ago, I was challenged by a good friend to participate in what seems now to be a trend of sharing what you are thankful for during the month of November. Some people have the talent of photography and share their thankfulness through their photos; while others have the talent of the written word. Not sure if it is a talent but I certainly enjoy expressing myself in written form with fun photos. And since I have been currently overwhelmed with a personal situation that is causing me to be Negative Nancy ALL the time, I decided that I need to jump back on this bandwagon again; in the hopes that it will turn my poor attitude and outlook around.

So here goes…. Thankfulness Day One (yes I am a day late but give me a break, I did say I was in a poor mood- like every day):

I am thankful for life. While I am certainly going through something personal and things seem bleak now, I am thankful to be alive each day to see what life has in store for me. Sadly, I know that there are those among us that fight the decision to choose life each day. And though I could never imagine the pain that they must feel daily, to consider an option other than life, I know how extreme the ups and downs can be. As I make the decision to keep on trucking, I urge others to stay in the fight! Be thankful for life and do all that you can to help others be thankful for life.

thankful-for-life